Why happy people don't celebrate their birthdays: the Dalai Lama's wise words

 

Every day of our lives is a great gift.

Every day of our lives is a great gift. Every day deserves to be celebrated...

Even as a child, I was discouraged from celebrating anything. As a child, I was dragged to all sorts of family dinners at relatives' houses.

The table was bending under the weight of delicacies, and 15-20 people gathered around it. The women were fussing – whether the cutlery was enough, whether the glasses were sparkling – while the men, with a sly smile, reached for the bottles and began telling jokes and arguing about politics.

We're talking about the 1990s. Back then, people could only treat themselves to delicious and sophisticated dishes.

And it seems like this turbulent time is a thing of the past and we no longer need to impress anyone with the scale of our personal celebration.

But now I see a different picture.

For example, young mothers compete to see who will celebrate their child's birthday better. Each one tries to outdo the others – animators, restaurants, invited stars, expensive gifts. The child doesn't need this extravaganza, but the parents organize it. And how else? They have to show that they have money...

An acquaintance of mine feeds her family only with pasta, and on holidays they go to a fancy restaurant to enjoy the service and cuisine. When I asked her why they don't live more evenly – eat fresh vegetables and fruits, fish and meat every day, instead of allowing themselves salmon carpaccio once a month – she looked at me with wide eyes and said that weekdays were weekdays. And a holiday is a holiday.

The holiday as compensation

Why do we strive so much for external confirmations of happiness? Maybe because on weekdays – it is missing. Or almost. Work, news, traffic jams, worries. And here comes a day when you can relax, when everyone should praise you, smile, raise glasses and say how wonderful you are.

Too many people are waiting for this day as salvation. As a short break in a marathon of grayness. And maybe if our everyday lives were filled with meaning and joy, we wouldn't need these flashes of light?

As Mark Twain said, “The best way to feel good is to do something good for someone.”

Happy people don't celebrate their birthdays

For wise and truly happy people – every day is a holiday. And this day is not distinguished by delicious food, loud music and freedom from hated work. It consists in the fact that every hour brings you joy. This holiday is in the heart, in the soul, in the mind. And then there is no need for external contrast, for a sharp change in the environment around you.

Here is what the Dalai Lama says:

“I am just an ordinary Buddhist monk; I don’t usually participate in birthday celebrations. But since you are organizing events dedicated to my birthday, I would like to share some thoughts… The most important thing is to focus on achieving peace of mind by cultivating a kind heart and compassion.”

In his speeches, the Dalai Lama shares that for him every day is like a new beginning — like a kind of "new birthday," in which the most important thing is to do something meaningful.

It sounds simple, almost childish. But behind this simplicity lies a huge inner work. A person who feels joy from ordinary things – a cup of tea, a ray of sunshine, a kind word – will not wait for October 7 or May 21 to “allow” themselves a good mood.

He won't plan a grand banquet or write "forget me not" messages. He'll just live.

And, as strange as it may sound, it is precisely such people – with deep inner peace – who are truly happy.

A celebration amidst poverty

There is also social injustice in this. When a person lives modestly, barely making ends meet, and then takes out a loan to "celebrate the anniversary with dignity" - isn't that ironic? We drown in ostentation, compensations, fireworks. And inside, often - emptiness.

And next to us there are people who eat potatoes with onions every day, but their souls are bright. Because they have a dog, an evening walk in the forest, and a son who calls every evening. For them, every day is a holiday. No reason.

And which is correct?

There is no answer. Someone dreams of a quiet evening gathering with loved ones. Another wants 200 people to dance until the morning. A third goes to the mountains, turns off the phone and forgets that it even has a birthday.

Only one thing is important – it should not be a duty. It should not be an obligation. It should not be an escape. But joy. Real.

And maybe that's why the happiest and wisest people don't celebrate birthdays. They just live. Without decorations. Without "louder music!". They know: the best time is now. The best day is today. And the best toast is the silence in which you can hear the heart beating.