Why do some children grow up respecting their parents and others don't? It's not about upbringing at all. We'll tell you.👇👇👇

 Sooner or later, a person asks himself the painful question: why is there no respect for me? This is what women who live by their husband's rules, employees whose work goes unnoticed, parents, children, sisters, brothers... think about.

And it seems that the explanation is obvious: such are the times, and people have changed too. Everyone is in a hurry, becoming rude, becoming callous. Ordinary attention, a kind word, concern — as if they remained in the past, on the pages of books or in old films.

Recently, an elderly neighbor came to me, deeply upset. She asked me:

"Why do you think my grown children don't respect me?"

And he began to remember his life:

"I never wished them any harm. I devoted my whole life to the children. I did homework with them, spoiled them with treats, took them to the seaside, worked non-stop, in two places. Everything — for them. And what did I get?"

My son has become estranged. When I call him, he doesn't come. When I call, he's always busy. And I can hear the TV on the other end of the phone. I don't want much: five minutes of talking, for him to find out how his mother is, and then he can go back to watching the news...

If I try to ask him about something, all I hear is: "Mom, don't interfere, I'll be fine, it's none of your business."

I never thought that my boy, so dear to me, would talk to me like a stranger.

"And the daughter?" she answers herself. "She comes to visit, yes. But, you know, it's better if she comes less often."

As soon as she comes in, she immediately starts looking for dust in the corners, making remarks to me, teaching me how to live, accusing me of being absent-minded. One time I forgot that she had booked me in with some paid doctor - she scolded me like I was a naughty child.

Yes, he takes care. Yes, he watches over my health. But respect — not a drop.

And I was a good daughter. I adored my mother. I rushed to please her every wish. When she was in the hospital, I cooked for her and brought her food after work. One day, all transportation stopped because of a blizzard. And I walked for three hours through the snowdrifts, just to bring her a warm meal.

When my mother went deaf and almost blind, I became her eyes and ears. Her whole world.

I was a good daughter. But in raising my own children, I must have missed something...

But how is it that, with such an example, children have grown up who do not know how to appreciate and do not feel boundaries?

The famous American psychoanalyst James Hollis shares an important thought: the basis of all close relationships is not only love, but also our attitude towards ourselves. It is this that shapes how others will treat us.

If we look carefully at this story, we see: the woman is used to obeying, sacrificing herself, pleasing — first her mother, then her children. She has shown that she is ready to endure everything. And the children have felt it. They have accepted: mom will endure any rudeness, will bear any insult. She will forgive and will not turn away.

And here the conclusion is very important: we are treated not as we treat others, but as we allow ourselves to be treated.

In the vast majority of cases, neglect from loved ones is a direct consequence of a person not respecting themselves. Not appreciating their own boundaries. They tolerate, remain silent, swallow — and thereby give a sign: they can.

This is a difficult topic. But it is probably one of the most important for those who want to not just be close to their loved ones, but to build respectful, honest, and equal relationships.

There is something to think about...